It’s a shame that I’m simply considered a writer of juvenile humor when I’m actually one of the nation’s greatest, though woefully underrated, clairvoyants. My piece “Welcome, Bond Garu” in this very space (September 1, 2018), in which I insistently argue that the time has come for an Indian James Bond, is all the proof you need.
Being someone who still serves society at their own expense, in my piece I even handed over a fully developed plot that the creators could use completely free of charge.
Today, a full four years after my prediction, Cheo Hodari Coker, creator of Marvel’s Luke Cage, says our very own Ram Charan is perfect to play the next Bond.
Dear readers, please note: my prediction was so accurate that I called the super spy “Bond garu” in my article, knowing in advance that if Bond were to be Indian, there was no way he was. something other than Telugu.
Take that, Hindi boys.
Well, before the broccoli comes to Hyderabad, eat Paradise Biryani and sign up my beloved Telugu brother, some suggestions.
I know the way forward would be to enlist SS Rajamouli or Prashanth Neel, our sodarudu of Karnataka, because of their recent track record. Personally, I think we have to go in another direction. Please listen to me, fellow RC fans, before you bring my mom and sisters into the argument.
I go with veteran director K Viswanath, the man behind Sankarabharanam and Sagara Sangamam, to lead this project. Here’s why: when we have this fabulous opportunity to showcase our great culture, who better to represent it than K Viswanath? Wait, I’m not being facetious here. I thought about that. What is Bond’s digital identity? 007. Not 006 or 008. What is the significance of the number seven? This is not the case – the seven notes! The arrival james bond, in my opinion, should be a musical. And a musical that showcases our classical music. Hence Shri K Viswanath garu. Now you see, don’t you?
I don’t know about you Bond fans, but I’d love to see an actual Carnatic title track for Bond that makes us forget the Paul McCartney, Shirley Bassey and Adele numbers. Something in neelambari maybe? To lull us into a sense of false security before the introductory action set.
Something tells me Chiru Sir should make an appearance. Total goosebumps even thinking about it. And that father and son should do that inimitable veena step just before the climactic explosion of the villain’s lair.
It’s all so much fun, I say. In fact, I think the Bond after that should be NTR, followed by Vijay, Yash, Allu Arjun, Surya, Prabhas, et al. Our Tamil brother Dhanush is already there and he could show the guys around, acclimate them to the Hollywood ways. As for the fans, I believe they will all get their fair share. In fact, every time a new Bond is created, there should be an online poll where we name a bunch of Southern superstars, and fans can choose their favorite by rotation.
I’m just thinking out loud a bit here, but what about the first of those Telugu flavored links, Did Double-Oh-Sevenu bring the Kohinoor back and return it to its rightful owner, Kangana Ranaut?
Finally my dearest Telugu sodara sodarimanis from Bapatla Baltimore, instead of mistaking my love for the opposite and trolling me, please join me in bringing this dream to life.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.