Dear Caroline: My current boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend had, and I know this is gross, much bigger boobs than me. I have fairly flat chest. We’ve been together for 2 and a half years, but I recently found out that early in our relationship (about six months) he told one of his friends that he was “glad to have had the chance to be with someone bigger”. boobs before dating someone he likes but has flat chest. And I don’t know how upset it can be.
Obviously it hurts to think that there’s a way someone you love is content with you, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to expect them not to be subject to preference organic that men have for bigger breasts. It kind of looks like a dealbreaker, but it looks as realistic as it can’t be.
Insecure: Taste gods strike at me, but you need to think bigger.
I thought that was what you were doing with the clause that started, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to expect him to.” My advisory brain filled the rest of your sentence with “Prefer everything about me to all the other possibilities in the world.” Because while we’re all pretty good at loving each other holistically, we also “fix” countless little things to make our partnerships work. And some big ones. Physical characteristics, intellectual interests, geographical ties, cat or dog personality, etc.
We say we wouldn’t change anything because we love the person it all adds up to, not because we love everything.
I guess in most cases we make this mental adjustment consciously, fully aware that we’re getting X despite having a preference for Y. We do this when we think that whole person is amazing, so okay, X c is, because amazement is what matters, and X just isn’t. If there aren’t enough “incredibles” to cover everything, then that’s another story. But when it works, it works because of maturity, self-awareness, acceptance, and deep love, which is way more romantic than having every box ticked perfectly.
So the question you’re really struggling with – I hope – isn’t whether your man can really like a flat-chested woman, because your 2 and a half says he can, or whether it’s ‘settle’, because it probably is, or whether ‘settle’ in and of itself is a dealbreaker, because it’s something everyone does, even though I prefer to call it ‘ not having ridiculous expectations of specific people or romance in general”. The real question is whether you can still love someone who not only did a retrospective breast analysis of the women he loved, but also found a way for you to find out two years after the fact.
For some, that would be a dealbreaker. Some, no. For any person of integrity, it will depend not only on your values and feelings and the character of your boyfriend, but also on your own history of bonding with friends by selecting the strengths of your partners – past and, uh, “current”. ”.
If you’ve been there yourself, the only question that remains is whether you need your partners to be at least a little discreet.
This is probably a good time for me to mention that “men’s biological preference for large breasts” and/or breast grading isn’t a mess I care to clean up today. Thanks.